Thank u, next. [LIFE UPDATE]

Hey y'all. It has been a long time since my last post but here I am. I feel terrible and excited at the same time. Poetry and writing has always been my favorite thing ever. Every creative knows that writer's block is a challenge and we're not always in a position to flow how we'd like to. I have decided to share some of work on this blog soon. I always get nervous about letting people in my head. Being vulnerable makes me cringe nowadays. I know I flourish in that place, however, it isn't for everybody. "Be afraid and do it anyway," is what I've been telling myself all year. ANYWAY, here are a few things I'd like to share from the last few months.

(1) Praising God through pain is something I'm intentional about right now. Worship is a weapon and we'd be fools not to use it. I remember going to church and all the kids my age sat during worship. So I sat too. Nobody ever explained the concept to me. These were just a bunch of songs I didn't know. If I did know it, I'd clap a little but that was all. "Break Every Chain" was a banger and my fifteen year old self got emotional. Other than that, I didn't know why people got so rowdy and did laps around the church. LOL like really??? Five years later, I'm in a gospel choir and I have a new church home. I get it. I'm surrounded by college students that are on fire for Christ. He deserves all the praise. You couldn't get me to be still ever again.

"When you put your testimony into it, it becomes a completely different song." THAT'S IT. It clicked. God is really good. I'm that girl who was fatherless and now I'm singing "Good, Good Father" and I may start "doing the most" because only I know what God has brought me out of. No matter what, we have something to praise God for. It's more than just a song and it shouldn't only happen in the church house. We are the church. God is wherever you invite him. This is the only gift we can give to God. This is our expression of love. Why cheat Him of that? Worship has become so special and intimate to me because only me and God know what's really up. The enemy definitely will try to suggest to me, "maybe you still are that girl." I'm like wait...am I???!! The battle for our minds is SO real. Luckily, the enemy can't do anything but SUGGEST.. you believe what you choose to. Sarah Jakes said, "Don't be afraid to reintroduce yourself over and over again." You control the narrative.

Check out: 24Ever Series by Michael Todd.

(2) If you haven't tried therapy. You should. Sometimes, talking through things is better than keeping it in your head. WRITE IT. SPEAK IT. CRY ABOUT IT. SING. DANCE. Whatever you choose to do with it is fine, as long as it's out. Clear minds are precious. After I journal, I feel free. Years from now, I'll get to look at my journal and prayers and see how faithful my Father is. I will laugh at every trial or person that TRIED me. Listen.. start a prayer journal or poetry journal or whatever you'd like it be journal. You will be glad you did. We don't always realize how much growth is happening but trust me, it's happening. Count your blessings people!

(3) I have a friend that asks me, "how are you?" very often now. I thought about how important that is. Sometimes, I'm going through it and I don't realize how stressed I am until they ask me. I pause. Then I go, "actually I'm having a terrible week." We need those people in our life that will ask those type of questions and actually challenge the answer we give. If you're reading this, THANK YOU friend. This time of the year is hard for a lot of us and we all need a friend. SO BE A GOOD FRIEND. Isolation is sign that someone is going through it. Don't let your people go through stuff alone. Seasonal depression is real. But guess whatttttt y'all... God is too. Cover your friends and family in prayer!!! Period.

(4) Never stop learning yourself and the people around you!!!! This can be very rewarding when building relationships. Trying to love somebody else when you don't know yourself can be tricky. Be the subject you know best.

Sending love to everyone who reads my blog. I'm such a simp about your messages and sweet comments! Stay tuned! -Renisha